Everything I’ve Ever Written
MUSIC SAVES
One of my good friends, closest friends and hopefully eventually life-long friends has this t-shirt that reads, “music saves lives”. He’s the inspiration for this piece; he’s the reason for a lot of things lately… Anyways as I was thinking about what I should write about, considering I haven’t written anything in months, I started to think about the things that are important in my life as well as in the lives of others. And then the idea of music hit me. Music does something to the soul. It can make someone’s day or cushion the blow of someone’s heartbreak or hurt. When you hear those words referring to your specific situation, or when you feel like there is no one out there who understands how you feel, there is always that one song that says the words you could never think of. Before college I wasn’t as big on music as I am now. I appreciate the lyrics of artists who actually take time to make sense of their music or tell stories through their music. Artists such as: Wale, J. Cole and of course Drake are just some of the few artists who’s writing styles have become my favorite to listen to. Some may call Drake a “pussy” for the musical style of his latest album “Take Care” but he has received positive appraises for his emotional themes and expansive productions. I was never really a die-hard Drake fan until this album dropped (or leaked) but the album itself debuted at number one on the Billboard 200 chart and sold over 631,000 copies during its first week. Songs such as “Look What You’ve Done”, “Doing it Wrong” and “Over My Dead Body” are what changed my opinion of him as an artist. Personally, the fact that he can fearlessly express himself through his rough past makes him far from a so-called “pussy”. RnB artists like Miguel and Frank Ocean have captured my heart as well. Bottom line is I like good music and more importantly good lyricists. When I first got to UF, I began to notice that almost every student would walk around with headphones in their ears and I didn’t understand why until I started doing it. There is just something about blocking out the rest of the world and keeping to yourself that makes everything about life okay. It’s like wearing a bandage around a wound that’s deeper than you thought but receiving the encouragement and motivation to just make it through the day. The passion and the power of words will forever astound me. Words of encouragement, love, hurt and pain…they carry more power than most things in this world and it’s something I find and will forever find interesting. You can have music without words but the power of music comes with the presence of words. This is why music saves lives.
FOR HIM
I wanted to write you something
But I couldn’t really think of anything.
Although I feel like we’ve been through everything
My mind could come up with nothing…until now
I’ve enjoyed what we’ve had
The good times, there have been no bad.
Never a day when I was sad,
Because you’ve always been there, and I’m so glad.
I’ve never had to think so hard in order to write
I think to myself “could he be Mr. right?”
Coming to stay over around midnight
Then waking up under you in the morning light.
With you asking if you can “kiss me in the morning”
Changing J. Cole’s lyrics to something more corny.
Haha, remember that time I told you I was horny?
Just making an intense moment even less boring
I love how you observe every little thing I do.
The way you watch me sleep makes me wanna call you my boo.
Or just the fact of knowing I can always count on you
In the good times or the bad, like losing countess for stupid BSU
I usually write these poems until I can think no more
But I feel as if I kept writing, you would begin to snore.
I hope after this piece you think I’m far from a bore
And just know I still find you mysterious and I can’t wait to find out more.
P.S. I like you…a lot.
I hope I take your lows to high like…well… pot.
Haha, in all seriousness you’ve somewhat filled that spot
That I usually keep under wraps cause I’ve been heartbroken a lot
Not trying to guilt trip you hun, I’m just stating facts
I kinda like having no title, like “no strings attached”
Our second date…aww, you were such a catch
So excited for our Bulls day, I can’t wait to match.
Kinda weird ending to a poem like that, don’t you think?
Or do you not think so far ahead?
Cause I’ve been thinking bout forever…
FIRST FOUR WEEKS
He says it’s not a lie
Never thought he’d make me cry even though the jokes on me
It’s not in the least funny,
we really are meant to be
Except for that thing on his arm.
Usually referred to as a chick but in this case more like a charm…
Bracelet. But for a guy.
He claims it doesn’t mean anything so I look in his eyes
Only to be reminded of why
I even started to like this guy
And why…
I fell so hard so fast.
Didn’t think these feelings would last
I just wanted to forget like the past
But I knew that shit wouldn’t last
As he passed…
Me. And that feeling inside stung like a bee.
After he took his time telling me
Of how he thought were going to be.
Shortly after that I felt like a “b”
And that’s when I realized he was special to me.
Sadly, I feel like this poem is done
But only because its 2+1
and shortly I’ll be able to see the sun
So I’ll leave you with this one
For now. To be continued. New episode. no rerun.
VIRGIN MARY
So I really am pissed off and I’ll tell you why. Because love surrounds me. I mean I want to be in love so bad and I’m a very loving person. I listen to songs about love, I reblog pictures of couples on tumblr every second of my life, im obsessed with chick flicks, my brother is in love for goodness sake and I can’t catch an effing break because I’m a virgin…by choice. Call me crazy but I don’t want to give up the most precious thing I could give to a guy, and in return get what? A broken heart? Ya no thanks. And I’m not scared…or ugly for that matter lol, I just respect myself in a different way than alot of girls do. It’s so SO hard to be a christian girl who’s trying so hard to maintain her moral beliefs in this time period. In the 20s it was unheard of to have sex before marriage, but now it’s unheard of to still be a virgin. It just amazes me how corrupt our world has become…and it depresses me that it’s so hard for me to find someone to share life with in the romantic sense. Live. Laugh. Love? Not so easy when you can keep your pants on.
THE SINGLE LIFE
Sometimes I like to just sit and watch. Or stop and stare. And wait…curiously just to see who will go the extra mile. Who will try and be the friend before trying to be the lover. Who will make an effort to get in my mind instead of my pants. Who will tell me “I love you” and mean it but first as a friend. Who will accomplish the not so easy task of caring rather than cuffing. You may call it playing hard to get but I call it being cautious of a broken-heart. I get emotionally attached when a guy literally just says they like me so what makes you think I’m ready for a relationship where I constantly hear “I love you”. People always ask me why don’t I have a boyfriend and I usually tell them I don’t know…but it’s because it’s too early for me to get emotionally drained by someone else’s heart other than my own and I’d much rather live the single life where that kind of damage can’t be done.
IS HE INTO YOU?
If you tell a guy, “you’re cute” this is how you know what they’re thinking…if you get a: 1. “thank you :)” - he’s that not into you. He didn’t take the time to aknowledge you too. 2. “thank you…so are you!” - he’s definitely intrested. You’ve caught his attention. 3. Denies the compliment and says “no, you’re cute!” - he’s so feeling you right now it’s ridiculous.
BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER
In our society today, its so easy to get caught up in wanting to be loved or cherished by someone. The pressure of “being pretty” or maybe even being a “bad bitch” has seemed to take over the mindset of many girls…including me. I mean who doesn’t want to be categorized as that “fine ass girl” that all the guys talk about. But in the end is it worth all the trouble to get to that point where you finally are “that girl”? I know i am pretty and im not ugly but sometimes when you dont get that same approval from people, you lose sight of that. Honestly, I lose sight of it every single day. As a girl living in this world in this time period, its important to know and realize that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The main thing to realize is that “the beholder” can be anyone you want it to be. It can be your boyfriend, or the boy you’ve been crushing on this whole year, your dad, or that guy that you spend your freetime stalking on facebook. However, it would be alot easier to allow God to be the beholder…i mean considering that he’s the one who made you the way you are and thinks you beautiful and gorgeous just the way you are. So for all you girls who go through the same thing i go through everyday and have issues trying not to allow the opinions of man sway the opinions you have about yourself, i encourage you to pick your beholder carefully. Because if you choose the right one you wont have to ever try and convince anyone that you are beautiful.
VENTING
As soon as I find someone who loves me for me. A true genuine love. A love that I’ve wanted for four years. From a guy who would do anything for me…it all gets screwed up. I am a good friend. I am always the one putting up with my friend’s shit. And as soon as my chance for love comes around, it gets ruined before it even gets started. If you had to choose between a friendship or a boy what would you choose? The friendship right? Well for the first time I feel like I would choose the boy…honestly I don’t know what to do. But if someone ever asks you about how you feel about a certain situation, say what you mean and mean what you say. It will save everyone from heartbreaks, heartaches and confusion.
LOVE
My heart longs for such a strong desire,
Words cannot express this feeling I have;
Like flames and matches, my soul is on fire;
It heals the blind like eyes coated in salve.
From break-ups to make-ups, it shapes a day;
It brings about life, yet makes your heart stop;
The essence of romance that paves the way;
And there’s no doubt it’s the cream of the crop.
It is almost as if it were a drug;
For it carries symptoms without a warning;
For instance, that feeling after a long hug,
Or after reading that text saying “good morning”.
The point is, this thing that’s always mending,
Is called love, and it is never ending.
TEMPORARY MINDSET
Sometimes I wish I was prettier. I know I’m pretty in alot of peoples eyes but sometimes you just lose sight of that and what they say because it’s either you’re friends, or family, or guys with extremely low standards telling you those things. I taught a class to younger girls about self image and at the time I was living it out, but you know what, stuff happens in your life that makes you lose sight of what you truly believe. For example, maybe it’s the fact that all of my friends have boyfriends and I don’t or the fact that two of the guys I’ve wasted the last couple of years of high school talking to rated me a 7 when I thought they thought of me as higher, or the fact that I didn’t get on homecoming court at my school my senior year for various reasons, or the fact that my face is getting dry because it’s winter and I no longer look as good without makeup, and the list continues. There are alot of things that could be factored into this temporary mindset of mine. I “know” there’s someone out there worthy of my time and that there are more oppurtunities waiting to take place in my life but sometimes life can be hard for a teenage girl living in a world like ours. You see these other girls and you think “dang I wish I was as pretty as her”. but the truth is you are in someone else’s eyes. The challange is finding that “someone else”. I haven’t found him yet and I’m getting weary and tired of waiting. But I just have to keep reminding myself that this is just a temporary mindset.
